No, I Won't Pray For You
I believe in God. I believe that Jesus, his only son came down to earth. I even believe in God's Will. I do not believe in prayer.
I was raised Catholic, and went to a Catholic elementary school through second grade. I went to a Catholic high school, and a Christian college. I baptised my children, I send them to a Catholic elementary school. I follow all of the basic beliefs of Christianity. I do not however believe in the power of prayer. I know this seems to go against the normal school of thought when it comes to religion, and I know that even those close to me will be surprised by this, but I just do not believe in asking God to answer your prayers.
To be honest, I don't think I have always felt this way, and maybe it is just a phase I am going through, but for now don't ask me to pray for you. I ran into a neighbor a few weeks ago whose son has cancer. Here was our exchange:
Me "Is there anything I can do for you?"
Her "Pray for us, just keep us in your prayers."
Me "How about I bring you dinner tomorrow?"
Dinner I can do, making dinner is a way for me to help you. A way to ease the burden of the everyday stresses in your life while you deal with more important things. Prayer? No. Me praying that your son gets better is not going to change the outcome. Do you think that the mother whose daughter died at 2 years old of a brain tumor prayed any less than the mother whose daughter survived and is now a thriving adult? Do you think that the wife who stood over her husband's hospital bed while he was in a coma prayed any harder for him to survive than the wife of the cancer patient who died 2 doors down? I am not saying that God doesn't hear our prayers, he just does not answer them. His outcome has been decided, and our praying for a different one isn't going to make a difference. I understand that people need hope, and praying is hope. It is a way of feeling that you have control over an uncontrollable situation. However, I do not think that whether you pray or not is going to actually affect the outcome. It may affect your outlook, but not the outcome. So if you have a sick child, an ailing husband, a stressful situation that you are going through, ask me to make you dinner, ask me to watch your children, or clean your house. Just don't ask me to pray for you.
Maurice Marvi
2:16 pm on Monday, September 24, 2012
Melissa
I think you misunderstand the purpose of prayer. It may be true that the physical outcome will most probably not be affected by prayer, taking the active effort to remember someone and their family in this time will most probably still have a positive effect.
While preparing a meal may reduce the physical needs of those in grief, the effort you take in remembering those in danger or pain can be great comfort. It may be a platitude, but "Grief shared is grief diminished".
I feel sorry for you that you feel that your prayers may go unanswered. It may be that you are praying for the wrong thing. We all know that we will leave our loved ones at some time, and the best we can hope for is we leave them with love in their hearts, and not grief. That is my prayer for the day I leave. I hope those who pray for me at that time share that prayer with me.
So, go ahead, and cook that meal, it will be appreciated. Just rethink the idea of futility of prayer.
Melissa Sarsten
8:53 pm on Monday, September 24, 2012
Hi -
I agree that taking the active effort to remember someone and their family has value. I have a gratitude stone in my car that reminds me in my daily tasks to be thankful for my "ordinary day" - my target runs, my stops at the grocery store, dropping my kids off at school - etc when there are moms sitting with their kids at chemo, or sitting vigil at a hospital bed. But prayer has nothing to do with keeping others in our thoughts. My praying that her child beats cancer is not going to affect whether he does or not. Maybe knowing that I am thinking about her and her child makes her feel better - but I can do that without asking God that he heal her son.
I am not saying that my prayers go unanswered - I am saying that all prayers go unanswered - even if you pray for something and the outcome is what you hoped for - that's not because God heard you and said yes, it's because that's how the outcome was destined to be.
Laura Madsen
7:29 pm on Monday, September 24, 2012
Hmmmm... I think as humans there is a lot we just don't know. I don't think we are meant to know everything. How do you know that prayer can't make a difference with 100% positivity? Maybe it can? Maybe it's not just a factor of how hard you pray. Maybe there's more that goes into that where God is listening silently and is weighing in many factors of the situation at once? Maybe prayer is just one of those things? If prayer is taken into consideration, I'd rather err on the side of caution and plead my case and extend my belief that prayers can work, than to not give it a shot at all.
I do think you are very thoughtful when you offer up things you can actually "do" besides prayer to help those in a time of need, because that is appreciated, too.
Glenn Murphy
8:23 am on Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Hi Melissa.
I appreciate your honestly and the courage it takes to express yourself, especially when it involves matters of faith. I know how difficult, confusing and complex prayer can be. Does prayer change things? Does it really alter the mind of God or change the way things happen... or does it (only) change us who pray? All of us who pray and then do not see the results we prayed for have, if we are honest, wondered, questioned, and even doubted. It becomes even more confusing when we see the innocent suffer or when we see evil triumphing over good. We live in a broken world which doesn't work the (perfect) way it was designed initially by God, and God doesn't make all the bad go away, not in this world anyway. This is where faith and trust come into play. I wonder if you used to pray and then stopped at some point. And I wonder if what you are expressing in your "No, I won't pray for you," declaration is your disappointment with God, your sense that God didn't come through, so you gave up. If so, I understand your hurt and frustration. (I've been there, too.) If that's the case, I will pray that God comforts you in your disappointment, hurt, and confusion. I know that God can handle our being angry and disappointed when we don't get what we wanted or what we prayed for. That's part of our journey of faith and our learning how to be God's sons and daughters. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.
Jerry Stanley
11:51 am on Tuesday, September 25, 2012
That silly Mother Teresa... wasting all of that time praying. She could have been baking cookies!
Melissa Sarsten
12:35 pm on Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Mother Theresa did not use prayer to request outcomes from God - she used prayer as a conversational tool with God. I think to use prayer to have a conversation with God is fine - but do not pray that He heal you, or your sick child. Do not pray that you get a raise, or a better job, or to win a baseball game. Prayer as a vehicle for requests is what my article is about -
"I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness." Mother Theresa
Jerry Stanley
1:02 pm on Tuesday, September 25, 2012
I believe that left to interpretation, what Mother Teresa may have been implying was that her "faithfulness" leads to the success of her prayers. I'm speaking of the same woman who wrote "A Simple Path" where she extols the virtues of 'faith, surrender, and prayer.' I'm not here to argue your position on prayer. I just happened to see the headline of your article and have to question why you felt the need to try to create doubt for those of us that believe in the power of prayer. It almost sounds as though maybe you've been inundated by people requesting your help with prayers and you just want to put a stop to it. I can't think of any other reason to take such a bold stance.
Melissa Sarsten
1:26 pm on Tuesday, September 25, 2012
I am not trying to create doubt - I am simply telling you my opinion. Does the fact that jewish people do not believe that Jesus was the son of God create doubt for you that he was? Do your atheist friends create doubt in you that there is a God? Then my opinion on the power of prayer shouldn't create doubt for you in your belief of prayer. If any of the above gives you pause to question your beliefs that's between you and God - not me.
Jerry Stanley
1:46 pm on Tuesday, September 25, 2012
I understand what you are saying, but it is you not I who is questioning your beliefs, I'm defending my beliefs. You prefaced your statement of belief in prayer by saying 'you are a Catholic, born and raised I follow all of the basic beliefs of Christianity. And then said, "I do not however believe in the power of prayer." My 'pause to question' is your reason to make such a statement in the first place. Prayer is one of the basic tools of Catholicism. Every Sunday there are prayers of invocation... Pray for our troops, pray for world peace, pray for victims of Katrina, pray for victims of Haiti, etc. Are you suggesting that all Catholics are just wasting their time?
Judith
2:12 pm on Tuesday, September 25, 2012
I am Catholic, and yes I do think that sometimes praying is a waste of time, instead of praying for victims of Katrina send clothing, go to New Orleans and help rebuild (like my daughter did) I have been around too many Catholics who pray for world peace on Sunday morning and then argue with their neighbor about a barking dog- By the way, Mother Teresa spent a great deal of her time helping others, doing charitable work, she didn't sit back and pray that God would intervene to feed the poor, clothes the naked, etc. heal the sick, - I "pray" that God will watch over my children and grandchildren, that he will help me find strength when I need it, or guide me to the right path I am to take, and that is what Mother Teresa "prayed" for.
More people need to do less praying for God to intervene and more intervention themselves - if you pray for your child to get into a certain college, be sure you have first prepared them by helping them study and do well in high school, don't just leave it to an act of God --
Melissa Sarsten
4:20 pm on Tuesday, September 25, 2012
I am not questioning my beliefs, my belief is that prayers of petition are a waste of time - God's will is what it is whether you pray about it or not. I stated that I was a catholic, etc because I wanted to clarify that I do believe in God and religion just not in the priest of prayer. Had I not stated those things people may have reasoned that I don't believe in prayer because I was an atheist or wasn't spiritual or lacked religion in my life.
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