Father's Day Message: Having 'The Talk' Never More Important

Editor's note: Mike Mason, Chief Security Officer of Verizon Communications in Basking Ridge and father of two, is this Father's Day is urging more dads to prioritize having critical conversations with their children about having safe, healthy relationships, as he has in his own family. Also drawing observations from his years as a former FBI agent, Mas has prepared a message for dads this Father’s Day: Talk to your children about healthy relationships and respect, the best gift any father can give them.

He said he has seen the impact of domestic violence in his own life and is committed to helping Verizon and its partners to end domestic violence.

To the editor:

As we celebrate Father’s Day, we might pause for a moment and reflect on what makes someone a good father. For me, it is the lessons my father taught me about the meaning and value of respect.

My father taught this lesson in both simple and profound ways.  I remember one evening when one of my sister’s boyfriends happened to drop by the house to visit her. He rang the bell and my father opened the door. The boy asked, in a fairly disrespectful tone, “Is Lynn home?” In response, my father did not say a word; he just closed the door, sat down and continued to watch the ball game. Then he turned to me and said, “I am not the butler, and if this guy does not know how to say, ‘Hello Mr. Mason’ before he asks me a question, then he does not know respect and does not deserve to come into our home.”

That memory of my father stayed with me and taught me a fundamental lesson about respect, which I knew was something I would be passing on to my children one day. 

I remember thinking that my firstborn was going to be a girl. My wife and I were taking a walk in the woods and I began to talk about how any boy hoping to date my future daughter had better know how to act. I was working for the FBI at the time and had just finished a brutal case, involving a rape. Before long I had whipped myself into a froth imagining an unknown boy treating my unborn daughter in a disrespectful manner. My wife had to remind me that neither of these individuals were actually alive at that precise moment, and that I might want to calm down. However, even then I knew that what I needed to teach my children was the essence of what my father demanded of me: that I treat all people with respect.  

When my first son was born and I held his still wet body in my arms, the fears that had been swirling in mind around my unborn daughter’s future boyfriends quickly shifted. My new concern? How I was going to raise this boy, to be a fine, upstanding man.

I made it a point to sit down with both of my sons at a young age and tell them that I would be ashamed if a father ever appeared on our doorstep to complain of how my son had hurt or otherwise disrespected his daughter. At the time I said this to my boys, they were both likely thinking, “That will never happen, because I will never like girls!” Nevertheless, they have heard the theme of respect not just for girls — but for everyone — since they were very small boys.

My boys have never seen violent or abusive behavior in our home. My boys know that strength does not involve the size of one’s muscles, but the quality of one’s character. I am proud that we hug each other and say “I love you” frequently.  

So why is raising a boy to be a strong, caring and loving man so important?  Every time someone’s daughter is assaulted by a man, we can speculate the reason behind it. Maybe he witnessed his own mother being assaulted.  Perhaps he never learned to love. We can be sure beyond any shadow of a doubt, however, that the man was most assuredly someone’s son, which means he too, deserved to learn about respect. 

I truly believe that talking about this issue and educating all of our sons can reduce violence and encourage love. As fathers, the greatest gift we can give our children is the ability to have healthy relationships built on respect and trust.  I thank my father for that gift as well. He passed away in 2000, but what I have come to realize is that every tear I shed missing my father reflects the gift of the meaningful, loving relationship he gave me.  

Thus, in memory of my father and for the future of my sons, this Father’s Day I am joining with other fathers across the county who support NO MORE — a nationwide campaign dedicated to ending domestic violence — in part by urging men to have these conversations with their children or with boys they know who do not have a father figure in their lives. When we can begin to raise the subject of healthy, respectful relationships with our children, we’re not just building strong character in them, we are helping to build communities of men who value respect. That can make any father proud.

Michael A. Mason,

Chief security officer at Verizon Communications,

Basking Ridge