Neighborhood Coffees Prompt Passionate Discussion About Teen Alcohol Use

The discussion was lively. The perspectives were passionate and diverse. A wide range of complex and critical questions were tackled at the Neighborhood Coffee held at the Mount Prospect Elementary School on Wednesday.

And tonight, Thursday, the last round of Neighborhood Coffees will be held in private homes and again at the Mount Prospect School, from 7 to 9 p.m. The coffee at the Mt. Prospect School is due to start at 7 p.m.

This year's Neighborhood Coffees program, sponsored by the Bernards Township Municipal Alliance, has resulted in more than 40 group discussions held in public venues and in private homes over the the course of a two-week period.

The questions ran the gamut. What is at the heart of Bernards Township’s teen alcohol problem? Does it make sense that 18 year olds can vote and lose their lives in war, but not be allowed to drink? Should the age of voting, driving, and military service be raised to 21 to coincide with the drinking age? What risks are parents taking when they allow minors to drink in their homes?

A major focus of the two-hour discussion at the Mount Prospect School on Wednesday was the reported high incidence of parents who are “social hosts” and allow alcohol at parties and gathering in their homes.

“It seems that these parents are trying to show that they can be friends with their tennagers and sometimes they think that it’s safer if the teens are drinking at home,” said one teen consultant.

But one parent pointed out, "You never know if a teen is on medication and even if they have one drink, their health could be put at risk."  

A small group of parents and two “teen consultants,” led by a facilitator, discussed the teen social scene in Bernards Township and the problem of drugs and alcohol, specifically the issue of parents allowing young people under the age of 21 to drink at parties hosted in their homes.

Comprised of discussion groups that meet in private homes and public venues, Neighborhood Coffees is a program that was launched by Bernards Township Municipal Alliance over 10 years ago. 

“In 2002, the program won an award for Innovation in Municipal Government from Rutgers University/Eagleton Institute and was presented at national conferences in Boston and Seattle,” said Kathy Kelly, Community Assets Coordinator, Bernards Township Health Department.

To respect the privacy of the group, the facilitator asked that members of the group not be identified.

The two teens talked about their experiences and perspectives on the teen social scene.

One teen emphasized that developing a relationship of trust and openness is most important.

She said that she had gotten into some bad situations but finally was able to talk to her mother about it. She advised parents to let their teens know that if they find themselves in a situation where there is drinking and/or drugs at a party or a party where no adult is present, that they can always call to get a ride home.

The discussion also focused on the drinking age itself. One parent said that a drinking age of 21 only forces young adults who are under the legal age to find ways to drink in unsupervised situations.

 “If 18 year olds could drink legally, then they would be more likely to spend time with their coaches or parents or other adults and have a beer in a supervised setting,” he said.

 Another parent said that she did have a problem with the fact that 18 years olds can lose their lives in war, but cannot legally drink.

Several parents agreed that the age for voting, driving, and military service be raised to 21.

Another teen talked about the fact that in Bernards Township there is very little for a teenager to do.

“If you don’t drive, you can’t get to the mall. There are no places in town where teens can hang out. So they end up sitting in each other’s basements — drinking,” said one teen consultant.

She hopes that the town will consider creating some kind of teen center or space where minors can enjoy socializing, playing games, listening to music and just hanging out in a place they can call their own.

The facilitator distributed literature and showed a series of video clips that outlined New Jersey laws with regard to underage drinking.

 According to state law NJSA 2C:33-17, any person who serves or makes alcohol available to a person under the legal drinking age of 21 is subject to a $1,000 fine and up to 180 days in jail per person served. Parents can be held civilly liable even if they are not present during the time of the party.

According to another state law, NJSA 2C:24-4, if serving an underage person alcohol results in injury, the adults may be charged with Endangering the Welfare of Children, and may be subject to a fine of up to $15,000 and up to 5 years in state prison.

The group also discussed the drinking habits of teens in other countries such as Italy.

One parent said that while she studied in Italy, she noticed that teens did not drink the way they do in the United States.

“The focus never seemed to be on drinking. It was more about eating, dancing, playing games,” she said.

Another parent said that coincided with her experience. She said in Italy, the social scene is more about having fun and they are more likely to have a glass or two of wine over the course of an entire evening, but the goal is not to see how drunk you can get.

The group also discussed that the more taboo you make something, the more enticing it becomes.

The two teen consultants were in agreement. They said, there is only so much a parent can do, but then you have to trust your teens.

One teen said, “These are the children you raised. You have to trust that you’ve raised them with the right values.”

Those interested in attending a session should contact Kathy Kelly at 908-204-3068 to find a Coffee in their area, or visit the Bernards Municipal Alliance website.